1. Those with OCD can check repeatedly for constant volcano updates (complete with satellite photos) from the Nordic Volcanological Center.
2. Learn how to pronounce “Eyjafjallajokull” correctly. This could take a while.
3. If you’re good with languages and crack “Eyjafjallajokull” in no time flat, log onto Icelandic Online, a site that offers free “self-instructive” online Icelandic courses to English speakers. Completing the first part of the course will take you an estimated 45 hours.
4. Check and see if the airport bookshop has a copy of Malcolm Lowry’s novel, Under the Volcano.
5. Download tunes for a “Commemorative Ash Cloud Crisis Mix” – recommended titles include The Saints’ “(I’m) Stranded”, Blonde Redhead’s “Maddening Cloud”, David Bowie’s “Ashes to Ashes”, and Sum 41’s “Still Waiting”.
6. Log onto the Facebook page of British actor/comedian John Cleese who, following the cancellation of his flight due to the Ash Cloud Crisis, spent $5,000 on taxi fare to get from Norway back to his London home. You might want to leave a comment asking if he’d mind splurging for your cab fare as well.
7. While cooling your heels, you might actually notice that said heels are dry and cracked. Now’s a good time to buy yourself that pumice volcanic stone you’ve been meaning to get, which will leave your feet feeling soft and looking beautiful. California-based Destiny boutique Destiny boutique offers same day shipping around the world (meaning your pumice will likely arrive at your home before you do).
8. If you’re feeling contemplative, order a massive cup of java and then do like the protagonist of Carly Simon’s 70’s classic “You’re So Vain” who went looking for “clouds in my coffee.”
9. If you’re feeling desperately bored, stressed, and/or lonely, round up a couple of fellow stranded travelers and head to the airport bar to drown your collective sorrows in a Flaming Volcano. Invented in Hawaii during the 1950s, this large tropical group cocktail features rum, brandy, pineapple juice, orange juice, and almond syrup. The Flaming Volcano is traditionally served in a large vessel known as a “volcano bowl”. In the middle lies a small “crater,” usually filled with rum, which is lit on fire by the bartender. Make sure you get a long straw.
10. Since this trip didn’t work out so well, start planning your next one: led by the scientist and “world’s leading volcano adventurer” John Seach, Volcano Tours offers guided tours to molten hot spots such as Krakatoa (Indonesia) and Rabaul (Papua New Guinea) – both of which are about as far away as you can get from Iceland.